Don't Hide-Be You

That's not really me :)

This week we had a great speaker, Dean Kau. He is my BOSS, in a very round-about way. I work in the Student Leadership Office. My boss is our student lead Sarah, who reports to Angela, who reports to Br. Ward, who reports to Dean Kau. He is over the office I work in. Crazy huh! 

His presentation was on being leaders in the community. It really inspired me. In class I had some creative thoughts come into my mind. That is the first creative thing that has popped into my head in the past month. It was real inspiration because it pointed me back to the bike trip that I want to go on. 

He said told us his philosophy on working in the community. It simply is, “Don’t hide in your community.” That was a dagger to the heart. I can say I have been hiding lately from a lot of things. I’ve had a lot of stresses that has made me just want to get away from things. I have been blessed though as I have been guided from the Lord slowly but surely to get through them. 

My TA for this class Bekah asked me a question that came to my mind after this class. I work in, like I said, the Student Leadership Office. I did volunteer work in the office my freshman year. Bekah asked which I liked better. It is clearly the volunteer aspect. There is no personal gain. It is pure helping. Being in the office as an employee has been a drag. It’s like a burden to come and be there. I sit there and get paid for doing nothing. At least when I didn’t do anything before I didn’t get paid. And when I was doing things it was more rewarding.

I know that leadership in the community can be in a program at BYU, it can be in a ward, or an apartment. The two things that came to my mind where I can help in the community are the bike trip and helping out a local basketball team. The bike trip has just been popping up all semester. I can’t ignore it. Dean Kau quoted a student that said, “Choose to be committed and go for it.” Helping a basketball team has been something that I have thought about in the past 2 months and came back during class. I feel like that is something I know and love and can share with others. 

I’m trying to find myself again. I’ve been very lost since coming home and I feel like I have only got more lost trying to be some new person. I feel like there are good habits I have picked up but for the most part I feel like I have been forcing a lot of things. Maybe it’s not forcing, but rather a pre conceived notion of what I should be as a return missionary that I disappeared. Instead I need to be me. I need to do things that I enjoy, service is one of those. I have got so caught up in school and trying to find the answer to what I’m going to do with my life that I have just got more confused. A better way to think about it is I have found 99 things that I don’t want to do and I am 1 closer! 

I want to lead by being happy again. I feel like next semester is going to be very different. I feel like I’m going to make some changes.