Light it Up

Fire Fighter or Fire Lighter

We had the privilege to be instructed by the BYU Athletic Director, Tom Holmoe. He spoke about relationships. He said there are two kinds of people, fire fighters or fire lighters.  You normally associate fire fighters as heroes. They are the ones who go out in the fires and save people. In this scenario, a fire is the thing that inspires us. If you are a fire fighter you are just putting people down. We want to be fire lighters, inspirers, people that light it up. 

See if you can find the fire lighters and fire fighters. What is the difference?

I want to be someone who is willing to give it all to those who I know so that they will want to do the best they can. There are a few relationships that I could work on to really improve on this aspect of my life. 

1) My Dad-Last time I was home my Dad and I talked about starting a business together! Sounds fun huh. We really want to bring something new to good’ol Arkansas. We have a few ideas up in the air. It’s not the business I’m worried about, but as me and my Dad work on this together we will get closer. It’s been hard keeping in touch with him since being home from my mission. This is a great way to not only to stay in touch, but to build something more than a business, our father-son relationship. 

2) My Mom-My mom is a very inspiring person. She definitely is definitely a fire lighter. I need her more. I miss my mom, because she is often my source of strength. I have struggles and disappointments that come rather often. She was the one that helped me through them. Now it’s tougher because I don’t see her every day and don’t get to tell her what’s going on. I have the great chance to go home and be with her over Christmas. I want to take all that time with her to tell her about what is going on and then just listen to her.  

3) My brother-in-law- I really like my brother-in-law. I did miss him meeting my sister, dating my sister, becoming engaged, and in the end marring my sister. Am I mad at him for that? Absolutely not. But I don’t feel like I have a real good relationship with him.  I want to be able to see him like a brother. Someone I can hang out with. Someone I can ask advice from. I know it’s going to take a lot longer than just one sit down, but this week I will be going over to my sister’s house to watch a movie. I normally talk to my sister and he does homework. I will try to talk to him more this time.   

I actually went to visit Tom Holmoe a few days later, Friday November 30. He gave me about 20 minutes. In those 20 minutes I just asked him about some thoughts I was having about my career. He was a great help. What I noticed about him was his ability to connect. I got in there and he was so helpful. He probably has a lot bigger and more important things to do than sit down and answer a few of my goofy little questions. Because he is a fire lighter he not only gave me the time, but he gave me direction to the questions I had. 

This is the last post I have for class. I have really enjoyed this class. It was my favorite class this semester. It’s not about trying to learn facts or just pattern life after the great ones. I have been able to adventure my thoughts in this class. That’s real learning. I could take my life and apply the leadership principles I learned to progress my life rather than feel burdened down with homework. I have enjoyed all my assignments. I may not be writing again for this class, but don’t be surprised if I but another post up in the future. 

Speaking of Persuasion

Kurt Mortensen

What a deja vu experience today! I had my old public speaking teacher come and teach our class. I think his main goal was to prepare us for our book presentations, but I was sent back to some good memories. His class is still my favorite class that I have taken at BYU thus far. It’s real! It’s a class that teaches you real skills and then you put them to work and practice on them. His class made a HUGE impact on my mission and my life. I can’t even thank Professor Mortensen enough. 

I remembered a lot of the things he taught today form his class. It was basically a quick version of his first class period, the basics of public speaking. What stuck out to me this time in class is how similar public speaking is to leadership. They have the same principles.  These three principles of speaking stood out to me today:

Keeping the hands moving

1) Passion-If you want to be a powerful speaker or an influential leader you have to have passion. Passion is the foundation of why you lead or why you speak. Knowing your purpose is very important. 

2) Persuasive-A leader wants to help people to become better. A speaker wants his audience to take action. In both instances the focal point is the people. You know what you want them to do, but if it is for you, then you can forget any bit of success. The success is directing people to act because it will help them. If people can trust you as a leader or a speaker they will follow and they will act.

Yes we are prepared

3) Mistakes-This is a principle that has come up probably 1,000 times this semester; or maybe just 3 or 4 times. Professor Mortensen gave a few examples of his bigger speaking mistakes, but he said you are going to make a mistake every time you speak. I know that is my biggest fear. My fear is to fail or do something wrong. My pessimistic side says, “Why try if you aren’t going to do it right or the way you expect.” I have fought this mentality for a long time. I feel like I’m 50-50 on this. My desire is to do better at having a better attitude or mentality. I want to be able to not be afraid of success. 

Presentation Goal/Statement: I will help my audience have a desire to read “Toy Box Leadership”. I will do so by using testimony, examples, stats, and a story. I will speak from my heart. My audience will feel the impact the book had on me.  I will speak without focusing on mistakes. I will be done in 6 minutes. 

Don't Hide-Be You

That's not really me :)

This week we had a great speaker, Dean Kau. He is my BOSS, in a very round-about way. I work in the Student Leadership Office. My boss is our student lead Sarah, who reports to Angela, who reports to Br. Ward, who reports to Dean Kau. He is over the office I work in. Crazy huh! 

His presentation was on being leaders in the community. It really inspired me. In class I had some creative thoughts come into my mind. That is the first creative thing that has popped into my head in the past month. It was real inspiration because it pointed me back to the bike trip that I want to go on. 

He said told us his philosophy on working in the community. It simply is, “Don’t hide in your community.” That was a dagger to the heart. I can say I have been hiding lately from a lot of things. I’ve had a lot of stresses that has made me just want to get away from things. I have been blessed though as I have been guided from the Lord slowly but surely to get through them. 

My TA for this class Bekah asked me a question that came to my mind after this class. I work in, like I said, the Student Leadership Office. I did volunteer work in the office my freshman year. Bekah asked which I liked better. It is clearly the volunteer aspect. There is no personal gain. It is pure helping. Being in the office as an employee has been a drag. It’s like a burden to come and be there. I sit there and get paid for doing nothing. At least when I didn’t do anything before I didn’t get paid. And when I was doing things it was more rewarding.

I know that leadership in the community can be in a program at BYU, it can be in a ward, or an apartment. The two things that came to my mind where I can help in the community are the bike trip and helping out a local basketball team. The bike trip has just been popping up all semester. I can’t ignore it. Dean Kau quoted a student that said, “Choose to be committed and go for it.” Helping a basketball team has been something that I have thought about in the past 2 months and came back during class. I feel like that is something I know and love and can share with others. 

I’m trying to find myself again. I’ve been very lost since coming home and I feel like I have only got more lost trying to be some new person. I feel like there are good habits I have picked up but for the most part I feel like I have been forcing a lot of things. Maybe it’s not forcing, but rather a pre conceived notion of what I should be as a return missionary that I disappeared. Instead I need to be me. I need to do things that I enjoy, service is one of those. I have got so caught up in school and trying to find the answer to what I’m going to do with my life that I have just got more confused. A better way to think about it is I have found 99 things that I don’t want to do and I am 1 closer! 

I want to lead by being happy again. I feel like next semester is going to be very different. I feel like I’m going to make some changes.

Foundations of My Life

As a missionary I actually, not knowing, created my own code of ethics. The week before I left I pondered on what I wanted to make of my mission.  These are the things that came out: Faithful, Grateful, and Love.

This is how I fulfilled these foundational stones as a missionary:

Faithful—is a term that describes patience in affliction, diligence against opposition, trusting the will of God. I can say I worked my hardest in each area. Did I always know what to do or how to do it? No, but I knew that God would help me to know and to do. I know part of being faithful is the work of harvesting and the work of preparing.  Sometimes you have to start from scratch and build it up whether it is a relationship, area, ward, etc.  In those times your faithful labor goes to establishing. Other time it is your time to execute. That is when you make the most of what God has laid before you.  I have played both roles and my only regret is I wish I would have turned to the Lord more when I did not know what to do.  I would ask the Lord to forgive me if I ever thought to give up. 

Grateful—I am very grateful for the testimony I have received of the Plan of Salvation and of the Restoration. I am grateful for each companion. I am grateful for each area South Chase East, Apopka, Buena Vista, Osceola East. I am grateful for opposition I received in each area and also for the success.  I am grateful I could be humbled. I am grateful for the two years of service. I have had to learn to live off of what you have and make the most of what has been given to you.  You can look at the same thing in two different ways, it is better to look at it with light and happiness. 

Love—I love my mission completely and fully.  When I see it in God’s eyes I know I did my best.  I tried my hardest. I know I loved because the things I have learned have become a part of me.  I know I loved because the Lord loved me enough to polish me off at the 

end.  I learned how love is correcting, love is showing mercy, love is judging righteously, love is not make judgments. I know love is repenting.

Ironically I wrote this next section first. I went and found the responses above. It’s cool to see how my perspective has changed. Those weren’t just answers, but values that have become a part of me. This is how I plan to fulfill these as I continue on with my life:

Faithful-Is to trust others and allow them to trust you by keeping commitments that you make with people. I will be true to my lovely spouse—I will endure trials to keep my family together—I will strive to have no empty chairs—I will be obedient to the Lord and what He asks me to do—I will diligently provide for my family—I will stand true to my covenants I have made with the Lord

Grateful—I will quickly turn to the Lord to remember him by writing in my journal--I will be eternally grateful for the lessons I learned on my mission—I will be grateful for the my parents—I will be grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ—I will be grateful for the necessity of life that the Lord provides—I will be grateful for my family—I will be grateful when the Lord provides a way or relieves me from struggles

Love—It isn’t just a great affection for someone. To love is to help someone to become their best. That means sometimes there is need for correction, encouragement, patience, telling them the truth, opening our hearts to each other. I will love the Lord my God with all my heart, might, mind, and strength—I will love eternal companion forever—I will love my children—I will love the circumstances I will be placed in

Motivation Matters

My sister's team won district when I was home. Motivation Matters!

I missed last week’s blog because I went home for the weekend. Yes, that is in Arkansas. Yes that is far. Yes it was great. I really needed it. It was a trip that I took because I needed to really think about how things are in my life and where they are going. I seriously got to think about a lot while I was at home. It was great. 

PG football undefeated. Motivation Matters

Class this week was really good because the trip was really exciting, but when I got to the airport I wanted to cry. I wanted to turn around and go home. I really didn’t want to come back. A class about motivation was what I needed. In class when Jessica asked the question “what motivates you,” my mind went through a process. What motivates me? What do I do? Why do I do it? 

So I made a list of things I do: workout, have scripture study, school, homework, eating, and work. 

Then I grouped them into categories: 1) workout and study 2) school and homework 3) Eating/Break 4) Work

Then I wrote why I do them:

1) To have a calm peaceful day, working ahead, preparing, focused on longer lasting things

2) have to make it in the world, parents are paying

3) get hungry, enjoy a time to stop and relax

SF NL Champs. Down 3-1 in series.
Motivation Matters

4) feel like I’m contributing to my life, more self-reliant, money

It made me realize what things I am focused on and what I am doing for the right reasons. Obviously 1,3,4 are all inspired by good motives. They are things that are motivated from within. But 2 is more like I’m being forced. Sadly that is what I spend most of my time on. It’s annoying just going to school without a reason or purpose. I am trying to figure out what I want to do, but it’s just not clicking yet. I don’t want to waste my parent’s money or my time. I could be doing things more enjoyable and worth my time than just aimlessly doing homework. 

From the paragraph above and the points for why I do certain things I hope you can see that my motivation is comes from inside. I feel very strong about that. If the desire is there things will get done. You can’t force someone to do something. How do you get people to work or do things then? They need to catch the vision. Just like in any sport if you really want to participate, you have to have the ball. You can only do so much without it. You can block, screen, cover the base, but until the ball is in your hands you alone only contribute so much. The good thing is that in a family, school, work, or in social settings the vision can be held by more than one person unlike a ball. A lot of people believe that getting hyped is motivating people. That can only last so long. If someone can see where they are going they are more likely to work towards in that direction.

A good example of that is Nelson Mandela. A man that comes out of jail, becomes president, and then changes a nation! How did he do it? Two great things he did. First he had a vision. He helped those he was with to see the vision. And instead of working to get somewhere, he worked as if he was already there. His example of living what he saw inspired others. The people began to see that living in unity was a real possibility. That is what things became.  

Powerful Communication

This last week I got to watch General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I heard a lot of things I needed to. This is a perfect example of what powerful and prolific communication is. We had two great guys from the BYU Communications Department, Todd and Joe, come and talk to us about the power of communication. I thought Conference was a great example of what they talked about.

From a worlds perspective it has to be one of the greatest forms of communicating a message to a mass group of people in a specific organization. They see our leaders and must say, “Wow, how do you get everyone together like this to listen to you?” The trick is....it isn’t them that gather. It is Christ like leadership at its finest.

“What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” -Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

Listen to that power. He has so much confidence that his servants will carry his message to his children. How does he do it? He knows that his servants teach the doctrines and principles of His kingdom. In so doing, it opens the door for the Spirit to come and teach His children the ways in which they need to apply the message to each personally. Now some of you may wonder, “What is the Spirit or what is its role in this?” Simply put the Spirit is part of the God head; God, Jesus, and the Spirit. The Spirit testifies of God and Jesus Christ and their truths. Thus he is sent to us to comfort and guide us in our personal lives. A lot of people would recognize it as your conscious or a gut feeling. Well, those feelings have a real name because they are real. It is the Spirit that invites you and me to act on the messages we receive. 

What some leaders don’t understand is that communicating a message isn’t about demanding people to accept your message or even creating a specific wordy lecture that wins people over. It is presenting truths that inspire others to act. More than that, an outstanding leader’s communication is recognizing the spirit is who will carry the message to the “audience”. So if it is built on personal gain and deception, forget about it. If you are trying to bring about good, all good things come from God.  

Whether it’s in my family, work, or church I want my message built on what I believe. The two guys that spoke to us said that it is really hard to present a message you don’t really agree with. I want to be able to communicate like these men. I want to bring a true heartfelt message that creates a channel between God and my children, between God and my co-workers, between God and my fellow brethren in Christ. 

A pattern by which I have seen before in my own personal life was on my two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ. In my service I had the opportunity to plan weekly meetings for most of my mission.  In these meetings a group of missionaries, in my surrounding areas, would meet together to work on being better missionaries. To prepare for these meetings I would evaluate performance, needs, and people that other missionaries were teaching. I would take that and the message that our mission president would want the missionaries to know and then go to God. Every time my thought and studies would begin to gain a focus. With that focus I would study around it until I felt comfortable and ready to share that message to my fellow missionaries. It was then that I knew what I would say. I can testify from personal experience the more I prepared and then relied on the spirit the message was always clear and there was a difference. In summary, the pattern by which I share my message is:

1 Taking information to the Lord and seeking His guidance 

2 Wait for a direction from the Spirit

3 Decide to follow direction, ponder it, and study around it

4 Open my mouth and let the power of the Spirit come out  

INFJ?

"INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. 

The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ."- Joe Butt

I love Batman 

(disclaimer some say Batman has another personality type. I think we share it)

Alright, I know I need to write about the great class I had by Brandon the Great, but I wanted to give our TA’s a shout out. They gave us a great question this week. They asked us to take a personality test. I thought it was so interesting. I’ve taken one before and got the same result, but I read some of the tendencies of people that are INFJs and I was blown away by this website <http://typelogic.com/infj.html>. Any random quotes I may put in this post come from two articles written by Joe Butt and Marina Heiss. 

I want to specifically quote Marina’s initial description of one with INFJ personality.

“INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.”

I want to point out that is exactly how I feel. I always feel like a greater purpose pulls me in a direction. I have been reading in the Book of Mormon lately and this subject came up this week. I have some goals, but I don’t really know why I’m doing them. I know they are good and I know they are things I want to and should do, but I just have this desire to know why. 

There was a talk last Conference in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that talked about the "WHY". It’s great. You should read it. Any ways, it points out that we should seek to know the why which builds principles that lead to applications in our lives. Elder David A. Bednar also talks about this in his book “Increase in Learning” (also a great source of literature worth reading). We normally tend to go straight to applications for answers. It shows! I have goals or actions that I know will open the door to happiness, but I don’t know the “WHY” nor do I know the specifics to them. So I have backtracked my thought process and feelings to see why. I haven’t got there. What I have learned though is that God wants me to seek knowledge that he has. When I get the answer to the "WHY", or the purpose for me, then I will get more specifics, but I don’t think I have got it yet because I may not be all the way willing to act if I were to get an answer. 

I was looking up stuff online about INFJs and I can’t remember where I saw it, but it said that INFJs normally have a hard time following. It’s like they have this inner feeling or responsibility to lead. That can be an inhibitor. Is it always true? No, but I have seen that in myself at times. I may tend to shut down if I’m not in control of a situation. I feel like this points out that I have a hard time trusting others. It’s not that I don’t want or need help, but I think it’s an inner pride that says “you have the right answer/idea”, “just do it”, or “you have a vision don’t let go and don’t let others destroy it”. At times those are the right answers. I have seen though the need to step outside of these thoughts. Specifically in a group project I have for one of my classes. Some things we have struggled with in our group are not willing to listen to others ideas and not having full commitment. I think in this particular situation because we all started to petition our ideas there was no bond between us. That led to a lack of trust and thus no one is really committed to the cause, but to a personal idea. I think that is an obstacle in teamwork that comes in a lot. If a team can’t gel, then nothing gets down, because no one trusts each other. Everyone one is still an individual. Until the bridge of relationship is made nothing will crossover from one to the other. 

Something I did in our group to try to facilitate a good working team I dropped my idea and let other people step up. I feel that in this group I have experience, but this is not the time or place to use all of it. It is an opportunity to let someone else get that experience and grow as a leader. It’s a good opportunity for me to grow as a follower and a supporter. I am a strong believer that people really learn as they act.  

Pay attention to what is said in the first 35 seconds.

"INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external."

-Joe Butt

Look for the principles of team work and vision

1)Why does the coach do this for his team?

2)What does it do to his coaching staff?

3)How do you plan to let your vision affect others?